FWD: closure...you can read or not read, I just need to put this out there.

Dear ****,

Not a day goes by that I don't think about you. I usually just push the thoughts away or try and distract myself from them. Lately, I've been trying to consider why they are still coming up. I think it was because we never really had closure. We went back and forth after we broke up, and I think that really messed with my head.
Originally I broke up with you for three main reasons: You and my family don't get along. I don't think you are financially responsible. You couldn't see yourself in Virginia.
So, that was really hard because those reasons may logistically be "deal breakers" but my heart was completely dedicated to you.
We continued hanging out and went back and forth with our intentions. Things got a little weird after that. We were both talking to other people, and I was honest with you the whole time. Yeah, I did some shitty stuff, but I told you. I felt like you were extremely shady. I always had a feeling you were talking to other girls. You always erased all of your messages (text, e-mail, etc.) like you were hiding something. I confronted you a couple times, just asking you to be truthful with me, and you always denied talking/hooking up with anyone else. The last time we spoke you said we should get back together (completely pulling my heart strings because that's all I wanted all along) and then you admitted to talking to another girl in Canada. AND you were going to fly out to see her. Ouch. I was really hurt. And, I feel really guilty because what was also going through my head was money stuff. I was outraged that you would pay for a plane ticket to see HER when my dad was helping you pay for school and god knows what else. I felt like you were directly stealing/cheating me.
Then come to find out, you dropped out of school. wtf.
I just feel like all of our time together was a waste. I have amazing memories of us but they are sadly tarnished. I went camping with *** and ******* shortly after that last time we hung out (where I ran away crying and you never stopped me). We were sitting around the fire and ******* asked about you. I told her the story and she was like "well, fuck him, he cheated on you anyways!". Apparently you told her that last Christmas, and she never told me until then. weird. And you never told me. Ugh. I don't know. I was super pissed at first and wanted to confront you about it, then I talked to my mom and she convinced me not to and to "just let it go". I tried, but I think it is hurting me more than doing any good.
I just wanted to put this stuff out there to get a little closure. You meant the world to me. We were supposed to grow old together and sit on the same side of the booth holding hands forever. I know I broke your heart and I'm so sorry. I don't want this to come out mean or angry, this was just my perception of the last year or so. I loved you so much and would never want to hurt you.
You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. We don't need to be friends and you have no obligations to me. This was really hurting me and I needed to get it out so that I may learn from this experience and be able to truly have positive and healthy relationships in the future.
I wish that for you as well.

With love,
*****